Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Phantasms"

Data has some freaky nightmares and Sigmund Freud shows up to make a couple dick jokes.

RATING: 83%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Interface"

Geordi's mother's starship goes missing while he's in a virtual reality robot.

RATING: 52%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Invasive Procedures"

A Trill who got rejected for slug implant comes on board to steal Jadzia's symbiote.

RATING: 48%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Siege"

Ok so maybe those rebels were being manipulated by the Cardassians all along! Also I know they're a fake space alien species made up for tv but I still get pretty uncomfortable when somebody (O'Brien) calls them "cardies" or "spoonheads."

RATING: 80%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Circle"

Kira gets fired by Bajoran rebels and then as a follow-up the rebels seize power and kick Starfleet off DS9.

RATING: 77%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Homecoming"

Kira and O'Brien rescue a Bajoran from a secret illegal warcamp and then all the Bajorans are like "cool be our new leader guy!"

RATING: 71%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Gambit"

Picard goes undercover as a space pirate but I feel like Starfleet should have one or two other operatives who may be better suited for this mission than their most famous starship captain idk.

RATING: 68%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Liaisons"

Some aliens on an exchange program force Picard, Worf, and Troi to show them love, chocolate, and rage.

RATING: 54%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Descent"

Data's evil twin takes over a bunch of lost puppy Borg types.

RATING: 62%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "In The Hands Of The Prophets"

A Bajoran bishop comes on board to criticize Keiko for not teaching creationism in her science class (basically).

RATING: 68%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Battle Lines"

Sisko, Kira, Bashir, and the Bajoran pope crash on a planet where everybody gets brought back to life when they die to fight a forever war. Not great but hey it's the only bad episode of the first season so whaddaya gonna do?

RATING: 38%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Vortex"

Odo helps out a criminal from the gamma quadrant because the dude claims he's met some other changelings once he thinks, but shouldn't like everybody from the GQ know about the changelings???

RATING: 52%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Timescape"

Picard, Data, Troi, and La Forge come back from a conference to discover a frozen Enterprise. I mean frozen in time not ice cold.

RATING: 71%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Nagus"

Quark gets promoted from bar owner to king of the Ferengi which seems like it may skip a few steps in the Nagusential Order of Succession.

RATING: 58%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Duet"

A Cardassian war criminal messes with Kira's vengeance drive.

RATING: 96%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Move Along Home"

The senior staff of DS9 get turned into pieces of a board game.

RATING: 78%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Forsaken"

A spacy computer program comes through the wormhole and meanwhile Lwaxana Troi sets her sights (her horny sights) on Odo.

RATING: 60%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Dramatis Personae"

This is like the 30th first season episode where some external force causes members of the crew to act out of character but tbh the same can be said of the first season of TOS.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Passenger"

An evil criminal's corpse shows up or is he?

RATING: 48%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Second Chances"

Riker's accidental transporter double marooned for eight years shows up and is still way in love with Troi.

RATING: 75%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Dax"

This is sorta like that Johnny Cash song "Long Black Veil" but with space creatures.

RATING: 69%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "If Wishes Were Horses"

A classically absurd episode in the style of TOS where Runplestiltskin and a gaggle of other imaginary people show up and cause mayhem.

RATING: 86%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Rightful Heir"

Worf takes a little spiritual retreat just in time for Klingon Jesus to return from the dead.

RATING: 70%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Progress"

Kira has to convince a stubborn old man to relocate for the power company and meanwhile Jake and Nog start a small local business.

RATING: 64%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Suspicions"

There's been a murrrderrr on the Enterprise so Dr. Crusher is on the case!

RATING: 57%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Frame of Mind"

Riker gets sucked into a brain dream where he's in a play about a deranged killer but also he is the killer and he was never ever Riker for the past six seasons if that makes any sense.

RATING: 88%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Chase"

A buncha competing starships find out every major race in the galaxy was genetically engineered by a long dead group of brainiacs and then they're just like "huh ok what's up next week anyway - Geordi's in love or Data's cat is sick or something"

RATING: 47%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Storyteller"

O'Brien accidentally becomes the official storyteller/monster killer of a small Bajoran town and meanwhile Jake and Nog try to impress a young ambassador by pulling pranks.

RATING: 64%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Lessons"

Picard starts dating one of his officers which OF COURSE makes everything super awkward.

RATING: 53%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Starship Mine"

Starship Die Hard.

RATING: 72%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Birthright"

Worf meets some Klingons living with Romulans which disgusts him and Data trips out after getting zapped by a machine so he's all like "woah hell yeah." Guest starring Dr. Bashir!

RATING: 75%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Tapestry"

Q gives Picard a chance to go back and right some of his past regrets, like getting stabbed by an angry alien and not sleeping with one of his best college friends.

RATING: 81%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Q-Less"

Q and Vash show up in a mostly boring episode but a whole bunch of extra points for Sisko punching Q in his smug face.

RATING: 58%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Face of the Enemy"

Deanna Troi wakes up to discover she's been disguised as a Romulan to go on a spy mission she had no idea about.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Captive Pursuit"

The very first new aliens come through the wormhole and they're engaged in some deadliest game shit.

RATING: 64%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Aquiel"

After watching a murdered woman's vlog Geordi of course falls in love, but perhaps she is really not murdered after all and is instead a murderer.

RATING: 40%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Ship In A Bottle"

Like, the very first rule of writing is don't make your whole damn story a dream.

RATING: 16%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Babel"

As a poet I really like all the language craziness when the crew gets aphasia but the episode's a little boring since we figure they won't kill the whole crew in the fourth episode of a brand new tv show.

RATING: 53%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Past Prologue"

One of Kira's past resistance associates cons her into helping in a terrorist plot but more importantly Garak shows up and woos Julian for the first time.

RATING: 52%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "A Man Alone"

Julian, look, Jadzia is not interested, pal! Oh, and some murderer gets murdered and everybody believes Odo did it.

RATING: 62%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Emissary"

The Federation takes over a dilapidated space station watching over a rural planet recovering from a terrible occupation but there ends until being a blue fancy tunnel inhabited by space gods that makes the place actually cool.

RATING: 91%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Chain of Command"

Picard gets kidnapped by Cardassians where he is stripped naked, tortured, and forced to eat rotten food which played a lot different in the early 90s.

RATING: 77%